Real Like A Plastic Bouquet (glortw) wrote,
Real Like A Plastic Bouquet

My life gets more nightmareish every day.

So Baby's eye had been watery for the past day or so. That's happened before, I suggested when my mom had money, to get her looked at. But then she started sneezing a bit, still not that big a deal..but then she was sleeping next to me at 2:30 a.m. or so, and I woke up to pee, and I noticed that she was making a sound while breathing in her sleep. Like, indicating her chest was congested. First it sounded like a whistle-like sound coming from her nose, but then it was almost a rumbly sort of sound coming from her chest..I was so scared. I thought she'd stop breathing..I felt her chest/stomach and it felt, with each breath, the same way I do, now that I am sick with some sort of chest congestion, like there was something rattling around in there, you know? Each breath felt like something (like phlegm) was making it harder, like she's congested in her chest.

So now I'm terrified to let her sleep. I was given a link to a site that said this place called PAWS gave free exams to pets whose owners lived in Philadelphia and received government assistance. They called back and said that no, it would cost $20 for a visit, and they weren't fully equipped, so if she needs an X-ray, which it sounds like she might, I'd have to go elsewhere. They recommended Girard Veterinary Hospital or whatever, they said their prices are "reasonable". What this woman doesn't get is that right now, my mom has $10 in her account. And won't have any more until I think next weekend. We cannot afford to take her ANYWHERE that charges ANYTHING today. So I miraculously found this coupon for a free exam and consultation at Banfield Pet Hospital. They have a few locations in Montgomery County, but the next appointment they have is Monday. I'm terrified she might stop breathing before then. And I asked them, if she did need an X-ray, what it'd cost, and they said "About $290." we're fucked. I don't know how to deal with this. I can't lose my other cat in the same fucking WEEK I LOST MY BABY BOY.

I'm just trying not to panic.

The lady on the phone at Banfield said "Well is she still eating? Using the bathroom? Drinking?" Which she is, all of them. She's acting same as she ever does. I was like "I don't think she'll drop dead before Monday, do you?" and she was like "Well, I hope not! long as she's still eating and not sleeping all the time and using the bathroom and drinking, I think she'll be okay..but if she stops eating or sleeps all the time, you need to take her to an emergency vet." Cheapest emergency vet=$50 for a visit, only if you agree to make them your main vet, like you won't see any others. And again, even if we had the money for the visit, how are we going to pay if she needs an X-ray? Or medications? I am trying so so hard to not freak out. It could be something that will resolve itself, or easily treatable..maybe, as an older, not-so-thin cat, she has sleep apnea or something..but I'm just so, so scared. I mean, she's absolutely fine except when she's like deep asleep. She's napping lightly next to me and not making that noise at all. I think it's cos I petted her like 10 minutes ago so she's in that not-totally-asleep state, you know? But I'm like afraid for her to sleep deeply. I am going to Ray's tonight and so scared that something might happen to her while I'm gone...I begged my mom to borrow money from her boyfriend tomorrow, when he gets paid, if Baby seems worse..she's all like "I really don't want to borrow money from him, he doesn't have any money, he owes his father money.." Okay, but this is BABY! I just hope she stays alright and then we can take her in on Monday and they'll tell us it's something simple.

I just keep thinking what if she needs an x-ray? What if they want to do blood tests? When my mother has money, she spends it. She buys me whatever I need--deodorant, toilet paper, candy, fruit, yoghurt, paper towels, takes me to movies...and she spent like $450 on Rocky's last vet visit and cremation. But that was all the money she had. She does the kind of work where it's either pouring or totally dry. She'll have like 2 jobs in one week, then go 3 weeks without a job. So what the FUCK will she do if Baby needs an X-ray or medication? I am sure I mentioned that both my mother and I were turned down for CareCredit, this sort of credit card for pets that vets take. Maybe I could ask my sister to apply. She has better credit than either of us. We could just pay her back slowly..but what if she's not approved? I just am leaning really hard on my God. I am just praying and praying. Please, please, don't take my girl away from me. Not now. I need her to be here, healthy, a few more years. I just lost my son. You can't expect me to survive losing her too. I just couldn't. I'd have nothing to live for.
So I know pretty much everyone's an atheist but if anyone reading this is not, please, please, just pray that my girl is okay. That she is fine through the weekend, and when I am here to take her to the vet Monday, it's something we can get taken care of. Please. She's all I have.

Of course I love my boyfriend. But these are my children. I know my boyfriend would move on and be fine without me. My cat needs me, and depends on me.. I'm still in disbelief and crying and crying about Rocky. I can't possibly go through that again this soon. I just can't. They really will have to lock me up then.

I just never dreamed my life would be like this. It just keeps getting harder. I thought Corbett's budget eliminating my income was the worst thing I'd have to endure this summer. I had no idea at all the capacity for pain the heart possesses.
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